Love of the Day.

Ok so I have had anteresting week. Let me share my last couple of days with you.

Wednesday was a day I had to keep my daughter home from school due to medical reason. I was cramping a little bit but nothing worse then what I felt everyday. I woke up that day pretty early to get Katya and I around to go to the places we needed to get too that was out of town. We took off and went driving. On the way my stomach felt as if I was turning like I had butterflies in it. I really didnt think anything of it so I just waved it off and drove. When we got to the doctors office I felt as if I was going to throw up so I stepped into the bathroom and knelt down and started throwing up. I thought to myself "I hate being pregnant."

So we got back home and it wasnt til about 5pm when my mother got home. She took a couple of breaths before she decided to throw an insult for the day. For some reason that day I just couldnt take it and started to scream at her as loud as I could. Katya was sitting on the couch and I startled her when I did yell. The thing is is that I don't really yell loud so when I do she knows I am mad. My mother and I than got into a screaming war. Out the side of my eye I saw Katya excaping the loudness underneath the table in the dinningroom. I felt so helpless by this time. I couldnt keep things undercontrol like I use to be able too. I couldn't breath so I grabbed my chest and gaps for air. My head started to spin I could feel my body getting weak as I collaped from the lack of energy. I blacked out and came to realize that I had a seizure as my head throbbed from the constant pounding on the tile. I got up and Katya was at my side cry not only because of the yelling but because she does not know yet what a seizure really is. She asked me if I was going to live........I looked at her and realized that she was being serious. I gave her a hug and told her that I was. We both got up and I started to feel sick again. I layed down on the couch too see if that would help things. But then I felt this odd warmth that came over my entire body! I started to sweat real bad even though I was cold. My back started to hurt and I felt a weird pressure in my stomach. I tried to wait it out to see if it would just go away. But the pain became so intense when I did decide to go I could bearly walk out of the house. To make things worse I had to drive myself. I made it there and literally crawled into the doors of the emergency room. The nurses came rushing to my side and got me into a wheelchair. The pain over came my body that all I could think.....Am I going to live?.......They needed me to take my clothes off so they could do their test but I couldnt do it...all I wanted to do was just lay there in a ball and hold my stomach. So one of the nurses helped me getting my clothes off but when it came to getting my pants off she stopped half way and ran for the doctor. I started too scream the pain became so intense and the doctor cam running in and saw what she was looking at and I still had no clue what she was looking at. The doctor told the nurses to get a sonogram of my stomach and to get my vitals and heart moniter on me asap. Next thing I know the nurse is asking the other nurse what should I do with the towel and she held it up and I saw all the blood on it and started to realize that the babies were in real danger. They had found no heart beats...........my babies where gone. I text Mommy and told her that I wish she was there with me. But she wasnt......I was by myself..Like always. I got home from the hospital a little after 1 in the morning and was very depressed. They had givin me a pill too help me sleep. I took the pill and went straight to sleep. I slept till about 2pm then Mommy called and asked me if I wanted to come home for a few days.

I agreed and waited for he to come and get me. When we got home I hugged Daddy and then went upstairs and slept some more. After Lifegroup was over Mamma came up and hugged me and layed next to me. We talked for a little bit then the other girls came in so I didnt want to talk to them about the pregnancy thing so I quit and Mamma and me went down stairs and talked a little. Then I went to bed again.

I woke up this morning with painful cramps but tolerable. So my days here already have been such a blessing.....I finally got a birthday presant....somethingI have not really ever gotten. My time with mamma. And I am loving every minute of it!