Tried to be.....

Ok so I am realizing a few things that I really feel bad about. First of all I want to apoligize too the 3 K's. I know I am a very difficult person and I have made it hard on you to keep come back. I have put emotional sterss and hardship on you over and over again! My days are coming fast to make me realize that I can't keep dragging you behind me but I need too love you the same as you have loved me! Mamma I love you dear and I don't know what I would do without you in my life. It was hard for the first 21 years and now that I got you in I am NEVER letting go!!!! Kendra I love you and that spunck you got for things! You make everyday a little brighter! You are like a mom to me because we have our fights but in the end you get in the last word! Im loving every moment of it! Kevin you are just awesome! I love having you as a Pastor Kevin! You have been like a dad to me! You are always there but don't get mad to much but when I do make you mad I do get a little scared! I added on to my tattoo "Family Forever Through Christ" You are family and through Christ is how I meet you!
Ok so through the time we've known each other I have tried to be what I needed to be and that was real! but I found out that I was not being all real! I know this is real My heart is all to God and now it is going to be different more different then you know! I am going to try is what I would say because I wouldn't promise.......but now I promise this is real!
So I sat here and kept asking God what do you want from me?? I didnt know if he wanted me to stay or to go! So I was playing a game and I looked up toward God and said "Ok God help me out I only have a few more hours....If I make it big on these slots(just a myspace game and I was winning nothing so it was more of just a hope in my mind) then I stay in Findlay but if I don't then I get on that bus at 9:50 am and go too FL." I clicked that mouse and it spun and it hit 3 keys and that means 500(that is big in the game) I hit it big! I looked up in complete shock and froze for a few minutes trying to get things together in my head! I really was in complete shock!
So this means I stay and make things better and now I know all I wanted to do was run away from the people that only help. I guess that I have never had anybody care and reach out as much as these people and I get scared that I am going to get to close and it is going to get ripped apart! But I have to do is trust in God that he always keep us together Forever!!!!!
*Family Forever*