I met Big Alfie at a place we called Smoker Corner
and all my friends and I would meet up there after school and smoke ciggs or weed. Did not matter but when the cops drove by we were gone in about 1/2 second. This is the very place where I got into a fight(not my first one but one I will never forget) and the cops came and I was going to get arrested but some guy came and told them that I did not start it and I did not hit this chick. Well The cops uncuffed and told me that they did not want
to see my face around there again. I ran away but this guy caught up with me and told me his name was Big Alfie. Well we ended up dating and about two weeks of dating he started abusing me physically, mentally and sexually. During that time that we dated I got into drugs. Some drugs where hardcore drugs.Around that same time I went into a deep depression and I just did not know how to deal with this depression so I started cutting to deal with the pain that was inside myself. Seeing the blood help calm me down but the pain did too. It made me feel like I was normal because I could actually feel like I was alive. That blood were my tears....since I could not ever cry.
And there were may suicide attemps to go with the depression I had. My life with drugs, alcohol and sex evenually got me pregnat at only fourteen years old. I had my daughter May 28, 2002. With this new suprise I cut back on drinking and drugs and Big Alfie had moved to Florida(where he was born and raised). When I was seventeen I had a very good friend kill herself because of the death of her daughter from an illness. I also got a job working at a nursing home full time. At this time I was not living at home and I had taken a oath to not do drugs again(and I have not). My daughter and I had a small apartment in Bryan and she started preschool. Things got very hectic and I dropped out to spend some time with my daughter but later found out that I was pregnant(by now I was working in a factory). I had to give my job up due to the pregnancy.......June 24,2005.
Well when I turned 20 I was very unstable. I could not find work because I had been through so many jobs and I was not mentally in the right mind. I figured that maybe I could change if I moved. So I moved to Findlay.....WOW
We I stayed on the streets for about 3 weeks til the big flood hit and then a friend took me in and I lived with her til I met a lady who I dated.
This lady was an alcoholic and a mean drunk. She hit me and throw things at me and said some mean things. She was a skinny person so I never really hit her back. But one day she throw my daughter and that was the last time I lived with her. Later I started dating another lady and she had three kids and I thought this was the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
Then one day we were at the bar when she decided to invite my ex(the alcoholic) up to the bar. We announced our engagement and then all the sudden she showed up. We talked and then got into a fight we that night my girlfriend at the time beat her up and she reported it and we had a problems on your hands. I ended up taking the blame for it so she would not get into any trouble to lose her kids. At that time I was so madly inlove with her. We did not stay together long after that. She ended up kicking me out the same time a friend was mad a me and told me I could not stay there. I started living on the streets again. It was horrable it was winter and I didnt know what to do. I had never been homeless in the winter but I found my way through it by the kindness of the bars.
I started drinking and finding out that guys like it when you pay attention to them. I started a three month drinking bindge. I would go to the bar and hustle guys to get me drinks so I could become drunk enough to sleep with them so Icould have a nice warm bed to sleep in for the night. I thought it was a small price to pay for a bed. I was nice to have attention for once in my life and it was nice not to be eating out of dumpsters and not sleeping on a bench or under a bridge.
Then one day after sleeping in a truck stop and not showering for three day I was walking down the road back to the bar when I came upon a sign
For some reason I could not ignore this sign so I started looing for this church. I finally found it and was hesitent to actually go in but I finally did thanks to Josh McRoberts. I got some coffee and dicided that I was not going to get coffee and run so I went into the part where they were having church.
The first song to come on was "Does anybody hear her" and I started to cry. The tears ACTUAL TEAR CAME POURING OUT OF MY EYES!
I turned my head so nobody could see me crying I had an image to keep(lol). I listened to Kevin preach and it all was to much to handle but it was an amazing teaching. That day I actually did not go to the bar. I started up go back to the bar and on January 25,2009 I talked with Pastor Kevin and told him everything that was going on in my life and that I needed help.....very bad! He asked me one question.......Do you want to except Christ in your life?.......Wow I really was not expecting that but in my head I did! So I said yes and we prayed. They kept me in a hotel for about a week an a half then got me an apartment.
My mental health was not in good condition at all this time and I would give into drinkning and cutting. But I read my Bible and studied.
One day I got mad at a person and decided I was going to take some pills right infront of her to try and piss her off. Well she took me home and I ended up going to the hospital when I swore at this lady and called her a bunch of name and was just down right mean to her. Well I ended up in a mental hospital and everyday this woman came to see me. She did not take what I said to her in the emergency room to heart because everyday she was there!
They we decided it might be good for me to try Teen Challenge. That did not work out but it was a great learning experience.
After I left Teen Challenge I when back to Bryan to live and that got me back into a very deep depression! I did not want to go back and I could not believe that these people would even think about taking me!!!
When I first came back to Bryan I did not want to talk to any of theses people so I didn't! Then when I finally did I said some hurtful things because I was so mad! But I got over it and we started talking again.
About a month and a half later I cam back to Findlay. I stayed with a friend and after coming back I was hurt by some people and I was so mad I decided that I was not going to do this "God thing" and started living my old life again. One person was never happy talking to me and the other tried to be but I know she was not. I had even missed two sundays of church and that felt kinda weird concidering I had been to church every sunday for the last few months.
That lasted for about two weeks then I slowly started getting back on track. So things were going ok but they place I was living was a danger because the woman that lived there was crazy.
After a while I was offered a much better place to live. I accepted!!!!
The thing is I did not realize how hard it was going to be to live there. See I have not had rules since I was like twelve. Now I have them.
I started going into a depression and a pretty bad one. I kept to myself for about two days. I was not really seen and I was not eating I was just downstairs crying. I didn't think I could do it any longer.
Things started to look up as time passed. I am getting better at this "rule thing" and not blurting out dumb things. These people are awesome for sharing their amazing home with me.
These people are awesome and
THEIR FRIENDSHIP IS ENOUGH.......
This is all for my story I am going to end with a God Bless............Aidey
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