So my situations are complex and very hard! I dont miss my old life but I miss things. Let me explain!I life in a wonderful house with wonderful people. They are very nice and caring and I love them to death! I have food that is not out of the dumpster and I can shower in a shower and not in a creek. I can wash my clothes and I dont stink! What more could some person want???
In a way I guess me..........There are some things I cannot do here and I am missing it a lot!
It has been 10 years since I have lived in a sturctured home and now that I acuaaly got rules it is getting to me!I feel as if I am trapped but I know that is so not the case because it is my chose wheather or not to walk out of that door. But I am afraid that if I do I will go back to the old ways. I don't even want to go into town by myself because I am afraid I will do something stupid and make the diswsapointed in me.I really want to change but way does it have to make me feel so trapped?I am going through a deep depression that is keeping me from enjoying things right now. It is hard to know why theses things come up but for me anything can triger it!
Today it was seeing everybody outside playing wiffle ball. I couldnt go out there because there were just to many people and it was scaring me! And it is depressing to know that I cannot do things like that......like a normal person!
People started to come in and I got very nervus and backed into a cornor and then was basically told to leave because I looked funny being in the cornor! It is hurting me knowing I cannot do what other people do so easily! So people talked to me and that was ok but I just want to be normal..........I long to be someone else to know hoiw it feels to be around people and not care.
I dont understand why I am the way that I am but it is just me!Sometimes I just hate being me..................................
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